Confessions from a Hard Working Dad

Welcome to TishTrek - THE JOB BLOG.

So you landed your dream job, what exactly do you know about compensation in Corporate America? And what do you plan to do with your money once your company starts paying you?

An employment expert who was a business partner for many years spent 18 years working with several of the global financial firms that faltered in 2007 & later failed in 2008. Before he took his own life inside his Boynton Beach home one December day, he spoke with riveting candor about 'consequences' as we continued our work together as professionals.

As he navigated frustration and disappointment, he asserted the following:

"I secured a master's degree from a great university and for 18 years I left my home destined for work in NYC before 6 a.m.; never returning until after 8 p.m. In the end - all of my money and my family's dreams were tied up in the affluence & success of great companies I helped build and honestly thought I would retire comfortably from. I was loyal and dedicated to all my clients because I was inspired by my work and I felt so proud and blessed to be part of great organizations where people treated each other like family."

"It's all still unbelievable to me. When these companies failed without warning in September 2008, the invoices stopped being paid so paychecks & bonuses stopped immediately; the stock options & restricted stock (aka: our kid's college fund) that I had enjoyed as part of my all-in compensation for over 14 years were worthless; my 401K plan evaporated before my eyes and I still had bills, bills, bills and mortgage(s)... All this as our family's COBRA Benefits immediately demanded payments of $1300 per month."

He continued...

"My incredible wife spent most of these years raising our wonderful kids and supporting our community with the dollars of our partnership. The hardship of our circumstances and the embarrassment of our financial crash downward has already caused our partnership and relationship to spiral in the same direction.

Our kids are still at ages tracking towards their adult dreams just like we'd always planned. My second oldest child had to leave the university she loved during her sophomore year as we filed for bankruptcy. To the amazement of everyone who knew us and who admired my work ethic, our family simply ran out of money and credit options because we were too financially over-extended to be unemployed for more than a few months."

"The short-sell of our two homes in South Jersey and Boca Raton, Florida earlier in the year was the low-point. It was a painful and devastating experience for the entire family (especially my kids...) as we left the town that had embraced us with so many special times & memories. We had to move away from familiar faces and friends just to start living within our means."

Emphatically, he continued...

"I wish I could get all the wasted money back. I would give anything to put the $40,000 back in the bank that we used for that built-in swimming pool added in 2006. At age 41, I would not have moved from our comfortable and beautiful home that was almost paid off to that waterfront property that we recently had to give up; I'd give anything to erase the ridiculous home improvements that were financed off the equity and inflated value of both homes over many years - we're talking $100's of thousands of dollars. What was I thinking?"

"I'd give anything to get back the value of the stock options & restricted stock awards that I received for high-end performance that helped achieve corporate goals and that took me away from family more times than I want to remember. I was slow, calculating and always conservative about exercising my stock plans because that money - those corporate rewards - were dedicated solely to the college expenses of my four kids. You see - we had a plan, but it failed because all my eggs were in one basket. One of our kids was lucky enough to finish four years of college before our personal crash; but the last three - our two other daughters and 17 year old son were not so lucky. When the company failed, the value of these financial vehicles went to ZERO."

"I can only say I'm sorry because companies come and go... After so many companies I was tied to failed, the worst part was becoming the victim of my own purchase and credit decisions. As I looked in the mirror, I was forced to realize that a lot of what I did was based on how I wanted our family to be perceived in our social circles and communities in NYC, NJ and Florida. My past-performance history in this regard highlights house-obsessed decisions and the acquisition of material goods that did not put our kids first."

"My only hope now is to get back in the game. I need to rebuild my businesses or find a new job as soon as possible so I can show my kids how a person truly can rebuild & recover from past mistakes."

As he worked to rebuild, unexpectedly his own father died of natural causes... adding a personal hardship to an already tough year.

The new job never came. The Palm Beach Post published an 18 word Death Notice of his passing in December, 2008. He was 43 years old.

A New York Jewish Community Center would publish a single line of condolences to members of his family in a congregation's newsletter in February, 2009.

He was a successful businessman until - in his own eyes - he wasn't anymore. He spent 60 hours a week at the office for over 20 years helping to build up the companies he worked for, believed in and supported like a champion. But... as we all know - the economy changed.

In those circles where people are too often measured by the size of their home, their last paycheck or donation, some of the best people on the planet can expect nothing more than a short 18 word Death Notice.

At age 43, he had already painfully figured that out and he took it hard.

With respect,
TishTrek

Thought of the day: "Those who love and accept you unconditionally, don't care where you live or what you buy. The people who matter most are only focused on 'who' you really are; and above all - they hope you love and accept them back."